It's a cliche really. Kind of like a relationship that you wont admit is over. You keep trying to give it another go, you take each other back, try your best, you really do, but finally you just have to admit that it was over a long time ago.
Maybe it's because today is Valentines Day but I can't seem to think about this in any other way than as some Romantic melodrama.
Vinyasa Krama as the other woman, Ashtanga as my first love.
.... the argument was right, wrong discipline.
You find a regime, a discipline and stick with it. I chose the wrong one to try and stick with.
I loved Ashtanga, loved practicing it, but Vinyasa Krama was a revelation to me. The only problem with Vinyasa Krama was that it wasn't Ashtanga. I was used to practicing yoga in a particular way and couldn't seem to square Vinyasa Krama with the only way I knew how to practice. I tried to bring the two together, found so much in common and wrote a lot of posts on that. I'm probably going to need a couple of posts to work out why that didn't work out, why and how they are different and perhaps incompatible.
It's difficult, to say why I think Ashtanga is the wrong choice for me personally, it could seem like I'm being critical of Ashtanga and some may take offense at that. That of course is part of the problem. I want to explore Yoga, the philosophy as well as the practice. For me exploring is engaging, questioning, challenging. I see that as respect rather than disrespect. The practice would be OK but it's everything that surrounds it, I become frustrated angry even, that doesn't work for me. But I don't want to go there, don't want to say anything more about it. It's a wonderful practice, if it works for you great, it just doesn't for me anymore.
I've been doing a little Vinyasa Krama in the evening and practicing Ashtanga in the morning. However, it's the evening VK practice that I find myself looking forward to the most and finding more rewarding. I always assumed I would end up doing a Vinyasa Krama practice eventually, either because I was getting too old for Ashtanga ( not suggesting Ashtanga is a young persons game here but speculating I might become less interested in all the jumping about) , an injury (old knee injury coming back perhaps) or because I'd finally grow out of the need for such a pneumatic practice. I might miss some aspects of it occasionally but I think I can deal with that now. I don't know what it is, I just find VK more grounding, more..... profound.
I love Ramaswami's books, they're intelligent, philosophical, engaging, they make me want to understand more about this practice this tradition......
Yesterday I practiced the Lotus sequence today it was Vajrasana and I didn't miss Ashtanga one bit. Perhaps I'm finally ready to move on and let it go.