The dread, what happened to the dread.
Didn't feel like practicing yesterday. Was woken by my alarm at 5:30 from a very deep realistic dream, got up and was bumping into this, dropping that, was all over the place.
I'd planned on practicing 2ND but all the way through the Sury's and Standing thought, to hell with it I'll practice Primary. Just changed practice rooms too so still not comfortable in the new/old room.
At the last minute I changed my mind and went into Pasasana rather than Paschimottanasa and got on with Intermediate.
Now I've never really liked 2ND, mostly because it just wasn't Primary which I loved. Where Primary felt flowing and meditative, Intermediate always felt disjointed, a chore. I liked the challenges of some of the big asanas, liked working on them but never really enjoyed them within the practice. I've always had a dread of 2ND. There I've said it, dread. Primary days have me bouncing out of Bed, Intermediate days you'd think I was shuffling grimly to the gallows. I'd do it but rarely loved it, just told myself it's a discipline, later a regime.
Not only did I dread the series but also the individual asana. OK, ruddy Krounchasana (hate it), Kapo is coming, Dwi pada which I like, but is a bind (pun totally intended) and again a chore. And now the ruddy Titti's which squeeze the sweat out of me like I'm a lemon ( a sweaty lemon) and send my breath all over the place. Get through all that and you have Karanda coming up, it's like a video game where each bad guy gets meaner than the last. And then at the end of it all you have dropbacks. Again, interesting to work on but a pain at the end of practice.
But back to yesterday... sans dread. Just rolled on through the series. Sure it could have been prettier, better aligned but the breath was pretty good throughout, no one asana felt like it dominated, almost felt like I was practicing Primary. It flowed and it was meditative.
And then the same thing this morning. No dread of the series as I got up to practice and again no dread of individual poses.
So if, like me, you've asked if that dread ever goes away, well yes, it just might.
Thinking about why. I have a feeling it's something to do with feeling more accomplished in all the big poses. I can do a mean drop to the heels from the air kapo now which means I can take it easy and still drop back into something respectable without giving it 100%, I can take it easy. All the VK seated work I've done recently seems to have given me deeper LBH's. Karanda is back and relatively comfortable. Backbends and dropbacks are such that I really look forward to them now. Not having to worry so much about the big poses I can get on and delight in those that come between.
Of course it might be back tomorrow.
Kind of want to practice 2nd everyday now, scared to take a day off for Primary or Rest in case it returns.